A date with Tim

          
By: Sara Bell 
HS 3300  Fall 2014
                  Tim has been a friend for many years, and over the years I have noticed that he has come back from his disability with a fighting vengeance. His ability to go out on certain excursions with friends or family however has been more of a challenge than he thought. Even with modern day accommodations that are required by law his ability to go out and be comfortable has drastically reduced. Tim wanted to take the opportunity of this project and help me better understand what he faces when he takes his wife on a date. He decided to take me to one place where he feels comfortable and one place where he feels the most uncomfortable.

            Tim was sixteen when he became disabled. He had an unfortunate car accident which left him paralyzed from the waist down. He is now permanently confined to a wheelchair. He is now 26 with a wife and child and as time has gone on he has found some things that he has had to learn to do different. He describes himself as lucky however. He says that his family was very supportive of the changes he was going through. They helped adapt his house and his car so that he could still lead a normal life. When he met his wife she took the same stance of wanting to make life easier for him. According to her, she did not bargain for how independent he really was. His parents had pushed him through the years to continuing being independent and do things for himself. When Tim and Sofia married they purchased a house that was previously owned by someone in a wheelchair so their house and many of the modern updates to accommodate him.

            For our date he wanted to go to a restaurant where he has often times decided not to go because of uncomfort-ability and then to a movie where he says he often times feels comfortable. At Applebee’s and the movie theatre there were a few positive factors but more negative factors that he saw. We talked about areas in all eleven of the physical environment- behavior relationships and decided upon eight which were the most noticeable.

1.      Accessibility: The restaurant became the more difficult of the two date locations. It was hard to maneuver his wheelchair through the seating arrangements. Although the entrance to the restaurant was easy and the floor was level the tables were to close together to easily work through. As for the theatre, it was easily maneuverable and we had no problem finding an area to sit and we had plenty of space to move around in. However, the area that was accessible for seating was very close to the screen which caused us to not be able to see the whole screen easily.

2.      Comfort: The restaurant in this case was considered uncomfortable for Tim. It was not only hard to move in between the tables but he was also uncomfortable that he had to sit at the end of a table. He compared his location at the table to that of a toddler, referring to the other kids sitting in high chairs at the end of the table. The movie theatre provided more comfort in the way of space but the positioning of the seats like mentioned before were uncomfortable.

3.      Crowding: In the restaurant Tim felt very crowded because of the tight spaces and the fact that he felt like he was in the way of the aisle at the end of the table. The theatre however he felt more comfortable in. He was able to move around more freely and felt like he had a lot of room away from the public’s traveling path.

4.      Legibility: In both locations Tim felt like he was easily able to find areas that were designated for him. Signs were clearly marked with handicap logos and he found it easy to find the access ramps into both locations.

5.      Meaning: When talking to him about choosing the locations for our date he made sure to pick two locations that he knows personally and has taken his wife to on dates. Applebee’s is Sofia’s favorite place to eat but the one near their house is harder to access and makes Tim uncomfortable. He often times does not take his wife there on dates because of the lack of comfort-ability and maneuverability. The theatre is a more comfortable place and happens to be a go to choice for their date night.

6.      Privacy: The settings were both very public places but Tim felt like he maintained his privacy as well as anyone would when they are out. The only complaint that he had in the area of privacy was that when he went out someone always starred at him. He described it as being strange having people look at him even though he is average. He said that he feels like a weird celebrity because of the way people stare and him and talk quietly about him sometimes. He seemed to be in good spirits about the whole situation though.

7.      Sociality: At the restaurant there was plenty of social interaction. He mentioned that the one good thing about having a disability is the way that people tend to give him better table service.

8.      Adaptability:  The restaurant and the movie theatre both received a good grade for adaptability during this date. Applebee’s had a manager on duty that was very understanding of the lack of space and made the effort to move one troublesome table away from us so that there was more space for Tim to move around. The theatre also had a very understanding and empathetic attendant who let us go in the theatre a bit early so that we could take our seats. It gave Tim the opportunity to get in and get positioned without feeling like he was in the way of other people trying to get by.

These eight topped our list of the most noticeable and important. Most of them posed problems but a few of them he saw as assets. He finds it particularly nice that people treat him so much nicer. He says that he runs into more people that are friendly than mean. He mentioned that normal people probably experience more mean than good on a regular basis.

            This date made me see things through a different perspective. I had known that he had trouble with certain outings and sometimes would decide not to come with us knowing that he would have a harder time. Every time we would go out together he was always so strong willed and determined to do everything on his own. His sense of independence was always evident on our outings. This outing was different however, he finally let his guard down and was able to talk to me about all of things that he often thinks about when going places. He has a list of the places that are easier for him to go to and also a list of places that are so complicated that he will never go in them again. He made sure that I was able to look at everything the way he does and understand the things he sees. He never knew that they had terms  like these but now he knows they do. He has given me new knowledge and I was able to do the same for him. I was able to show him how social workers look at situations to better see what the problems and feelings are.