A Date with My Friend Who is Deaf.

By: Sarah Martin

     For this assignment, I decided to take a friend of mine, who is deaf, on a date.  He lost his hearing when he was around eight.  At this point he can’t hear at all but he is fantastic at reading lips.  We decided to do dinner at the park and then head over to Starbucks

The Park.

     We decided to do a picnic at the park for dinner, which was the absolute best choice.  We picked this place for a couple of reasons.  One main reason is because, as far as entertainment goes, being outside and people watching is both of our favorite things.  Nature has a strong meaning for both of us.  We feel like nature, even if it’s just a local park, allows us to be who we really are.  We both feel at home and, as lame as it sounds, “one with everything” when we are outdoors.  When choosing entertainment for this date, I had to keep in mind the best options for my friend.  He likes music, because he feels the vibrations, but a concert would have been overly stimulating for him and didn’t seem personable.  We talked about going to the movies but decided against it because he often misses parts of the dialogue without subtitles due to his lip reading.  The movie doesn’t always show the characters mouths and he said he would of rather done something else.  So we decided on the park for people watching and dinner.

      The activity at the park ranged depending on what part of the park you found yourself in.  In the middle of the park the activity was high due to the amount of people playing Frisbee and other games.  We decided to set up dinner a little ways off where we could still see everyone but where the activity was low.  Adaptability n the park is high because if we wanted to be in a relax place we could walk a little ways out but if we wanted to be with the crowd of people playing Frisbee we could just go to the field.  I never thought that adaptability could be high in a public space until my date and I had the chance to do whatever we wanted in our area.  We could sit or we could get up and kick a soccer ball around.  Where we were wasn’t crowded at all which led to a sense of privacy where we were sitting.  Sensory stimulation was the perfect amount. It was beautiful outside so there was a lot to take in.  Not many social interactions went on at the park between strangers so sociality wasn’t really an issue.  There was a couple that told us to have a great day but my friend understood them completely fine.  I think the park was the best option because it didn’t hinder our date by any means.  There was nothing major that my date had to struggle with.  

Starbucks

     Starbucks was a little bit different.  Starbucks was as crowded as it usually is on Friday nights.  We were still able to find a place where we could set across from each other, which is preferred when signing.  We had limited control over our table.  For example, people bumped into it, causing it to move numerous times.  Outside of our table we had no control/territorial claims to any space in Starbucks.  The crowd often led to the sensory stimulation being pretty high at times.  There was often a heavy flow of traffic waiting for the register.  This can be an overwhelming stimulation for the eyes because it can be hard not to get distracted by all the movement in your peripheral vision.  It’s important not to get distracted because then you miss part of the conversation when your eyes leave the hands of the person you are talking to.  However, it was nothing out of the usual and it was probably harder for me, someone who is new at sign language, then it was for my date.  Privacy for deep conversation could be pretty low at Starbucks if you were verbally talking.  However, when signing people rarely know what you are talking about.  So, while it’s not private in the “normal” sense it wasn’t bad at all.  We both had a good laugh at the people watching us from time to time.  Sociality in this case can be a tricky.  There is rarely a place that is equipped to communicate with people who are deaf.  While ordering drinks, my date told me what he wanted and I ordered.  If he was there by himself, he could of efficiently ordered because his verbal communication is just fine!  However, if it was harder for him to communicate it would have been a stressful situation.  If all else failed he could of written down his order.  However, not every deaf person writes. I wish more people decided to learn sign language so they could better socialize with people in the deaf community.  It would also be great because it would help people who are deaf not be so anxious to go somewhere alone.  If more people understood how to communicate in basic ASL it would be so empowering for those who are hearing impaired.  

     What I learned most from this experience is that people who are disabled are capable of so much.  I know that statement is so simple it almost seems dumb but it’s what I’m learning.  There were numerous times that the crowd distracted me and I had to ask my date to repeat his statement and 100% of the time I was amazed by his lip reading capability.  He could do everything I could do and he could do more things better than me.  One time I was talking to someone who was deaf and she said she doesn’t believe she’s disabled but instead she is blessed.  That stuck with me.  I think society tends to put people with disabilities in a box and pity them.  However, after interacting with my deaf friends I have realized over and over again how dangerous that frame of mind is because it counts people out.