Date with My Deaf Cousin

When I first heard of the assignment to venture out on a date with a person with a disability, I instantly knew who I wanted to take – my seventeen-year-old cousin, Bentley. Bentley is completely deaf in his left ear, and almost 60 percent deaf in his right ear, when he doesn’t wear his hearing aid.

            Although I’ve gone out with Bentley plenty of times before, I wanted to take him out again – this time paying close attention to the environment and the way it affected him. I called him to explain the assignment and asked if he would participate. His response was that he would do anything if he got a free dinner and movie out of it.

Three years ago before Senior prom

            I decided to take him to Panera Bread for dinner. The first thing I noticed was that when the cashier asked if we were ready to order, Bentley didn’t hear her. I had to ask Bentley if he was ready, and then we proceed to step up to the counter to place our order. After Bentley ordered his meal, the cashier asked if he wanted an apple, bread, or chips with his meal, which he didn’t hear at first, either, until I asked him again. The concept of sociality is not something that is easily exhibited by the cashiers at Panera Bread – the counters separating the customer from the employee keeps them from being able to get Bentley’s attention without using their voice (something he can’t easily hear). Since I wasn’t separated from him and have full use of my hearing, I could then touch his shoulder to get his attention or talk into his right ear to make sure he knows to listen. 

Eating Broccoli Cheddar soup

            When we had our food and were sitting at the table, I asked Bentley what kind of things helped or hurt his ability to hear. He pointed out the giant fabric-wrapped acoustic sound panels that lined the walls. These panels helped control the noise level inside the walls of the restaurant, making it easier for him to hear. The activity level in Panera Bread is also generally mellow – soft music, low talking, and people usually try to space themselves out. This also helps him be able to hear me when I talked to him.

The acoustic panels at the top of the wall

            Next, we went to the dollar movie theatre to see “The Guilt Trip.” Although the movie was terrible, there were lots of problems that Bentley experienced. Movie theatres are not very accessible to deaf people. There aren’t any ways to get subtitles on the screen, and when people laugh, Bentley missed out on hearing the lines said next. He had no control over the noise level of the audience or the movie, and the environment wasn’t adaptable for him at all. I asked Bentley how he’d feel about having some kind of glasses to wear that would allow him to see subtitles on the screen, but he said it would feel like an invasion of privacy – everyone would notice his disability. It would also affect his comfort level, knowing that everyone would be able to tell he was deaf.

Going to see The Guilt Trip

            The audience during the movie was particularly loud (probably because it was a late-night movie), and I even found myself having a hard time hearing the movie. I couldn’t imagine what it was like for Bentley, so I leaned over and asked him if he could hear anything. He simply shook his head no, laughed, and kept eating the Twizzlers I bought him... at least he found some enjoyment out of the experience! The sensory stimulation in the theatre was simply too much for him, and without any way to aid his disability, he had no way to understand what was going on in the movie.

Nevertheless, it was a good excuse to spend some time with my cousin and get a chance to understand life from his perspective a little better than I did before.